My stepfather’s health had been slipping for two years. He was 87 years old and complained about pain but did nothing the doctors asked. We tried to keep him comfortable. One day, my cell phone rang. My mother reported that my stepfather had fallen out of bed and couldn’t get back in. She couldn’t help him. He was 6’2” and weighed 225 lbs. She was 5’1” and weighed about 120 lbs.

She had called the doctor, who had called a home health care provider at 3:30 p.m. They promised to arrive within 30 minutes. I arrived at 4:30 p.m. to see my stepfather still lying on the floor and no nurse.

With the help of a neighbor, we put my stepfather back in bed. The phone rang at 4:45. It was the home health care nurse, and she was lost. My parents lived one block off the main highway. I patiently gave her directions. She said it would take her about 30 minutes to get there. When my children arrived, we talked as a family about what kind of help we needed.

I called another home health care provider that had cared for my friend’s mother and explained that I might need services.

The phone rang a little after 5 p.m. It was the nurse, and she was still lost.

“Do you see HEB grocery store?” I asked.

“No, it was back at the light, but I’m not there anymore.”

I instructed her to go to the HEB parking lot and wait for one of us to come.

A few minutes later, we were all sitting in my mother’s living room discussing the care of my stepfather. The nurse was writing and talking.

“We can teach you how to change his diaper,” she said.

“I can’t do that. I’ve had back surgery, and my husband is a large man,” my mother told her.

“Oh, yes, you can do that. We’ll show you how. It’s not hard.”
“It may not be hard for you, but I’m 72 years old and have a bad back. I can’t lift him.”

“Oh, that’s all right. We’ll show you how to do it,” the nurse insisted.

"Don’t you have people who can help me?”

“No, but we’ll show you how to do it, and it will be fine.” She still didn’t understand our needs.

“Well, my daughter has called another provider. I believe we’ll contract with them,” my mother said.

“OK, if that’s what you want, but we can show you how to take care of your husband.”

My son, who is a firefighter and an emergency medical technician, sat through this conversation without speaking. Suddenly, in a very gruff voice, he said, “I believe we’ve made our decision.”

Immediately, the nurse understood and asked us to sign a paper rejecting her offer of services.

The following morning, the provider I had contacted came to the house. Oh, what a difference. The representative had no problem finding the address, then listened to our needs and far exceeded them. An aide came three times a week to help with hygiene and whatever else my stepfather needed. The nurse came twice a week to check on medications and overall fitness.

I noticed that they were never in a hurry to leave. After checking my stepdad, they always asked my mother, “Is there anything we can do for you?” They never left without giving her a hug.

Late one Friday night, my stepdad’s fever went up and my mother attempted to insert the prescribed suppository. She was nervous, so she called the nurse for instructions. The nurse said, “Would you like for me to come do that for you?” She drove to the house, administered the suppository and left at midnight. This provider met all of our needs.

Through this experience, we learned to make our own decisions on health care. We should listen to our doctors, but we must pay attention and make sure that our loved one is getting the best care.

Looking back, I’d still fire the one that didn’t meet our needs and hire one that did.

If you are facing the burden of choosing a home health care provider for someone, here are a few tips:

• Tell the representative exactly what you need.
• Watch the person as you speak. Is he or she listening?
• Listen when the representative talks. Did the person hear your needs? Can the service provide them? Is this a passion or a job for the person?
• Does the provider require that a member of the family be home when staff members come?
• Will the provider's schedule fit in with your household?
• Ask about cancelling appointments.
• Ask what supplies the service provides.

When you have finished this interview, you need to decide:

• Can the provider meet your loved one’s needs?
• Did you trust the person you met?

Then, you will be able to make a decision.